Emotions have always been carefully controlled in my life. Growing up I was told not to be upset when bad things happened. This did not eliminate the issue I was facing but facilitated a pattern of suppressing what I was feeling and only revealing levels of emotional expression that would be considered acceptable. As with … Continue reading Trying to express emotion when you’ve lived life emotionally controlled. A story of a failed attempt at opening up.
In life many people strive for perfection. There is an image of a perfection that seems completely unobtainable. Guess what, it is unobtainable. I am now a mom of three under five, in my thirties, and there are just so many damns I do not give. Damn not given #1: Toxic relationships: Growing up I … Continue reading Giving Up on Giving a Damn
Passion is a motivator. Pursuing a passion is supposed to be one of the greatest accomplishments in a lifetime. When reading obituaries it is common to read about what passions helped to shape and fulfill the life of the person lost. Passion is what forces action, compassion, and change. However, it is important to remember … Continue reading Burnout is a bitch.
Christmas is full of planning, stress, and obligations. The anxiety of the day can take over rather quickly. The distractions of the holiday details can blur your view of what is truly important. Many times this holiday season I have found myself worrying about preparing to have a perfect day. I worry my children will … Continue reading Presence Not Presents
There are days that are more emotionally taxing than others. We've all been in an emotionally vulnerable frame of mind that leaves us exhausted. For me, today was one of those days. Emotional vulnerability is not something I am comfortable with. I prefer to keep my emotions tight-lipped. Honestly, I'd rather have a colonoscopy than … Continue reading Tonight I cried in front of my kids.
I'm treading water at best.
Remember seeing the beautiful girls in high school? These girls had it all. They were talented, coordinated, popular, and confident. These girls would walk by and draw the attention of their adoring fans. If you took the time to look past the high school's leading women you would start to notice the background. The supporting … Continue reading Embrace your role: What I’d like to tell my high school self.
Motherhood is hard. If you are anything like me you are likely your biggest critic. I experience constant doubt about my parenting skills. I often wonder just how badly I'm screwing up my kids. There have been multiple moments that I am sure a therapist will hear about in 20-years or so. Adding the critical … Continue reading Cut the Crap: The sanctimommy B.S. needs to stop
"I have a totally legit excuse to go to Target. A small win for the giant sink-hole of a current situation."
I had it all figured out, before I had kids. Enter baby #1 and the world cracked open to display my inadequacies, short comings, and general dumbassery (autocorrect hated that one). Total Screw Up 1: I thought pregnancy would be easy. You can stop laughing any time now. I got pregnant my last … Continue reading I was the best mom, before I had kids: A cautionary tale.