5 truths of a sick mom.

You’re sick. Not the sniffles but full-blown sinus pressure, nausea, body aches, weird drainage, can’t think, can’t breathe, fever, coughing, sore throat, full-blown exhaustion kind of sick. Basically, you’ve become a walking receptacle for all germs and your poor immune system is getting its ass kicked.

It’s not surprising that physical illness inhibits your ability to function at your full adultish level. When you’re a mom this level of dysfunction becomes very apparent.

1. There is no respect for your NEED of a little bathroom privacy.

Trying to raise little humans when you can barely make it to the bathroom on time blows (especially when you don’t make it). To make matters worse, you likely have company while your internal organs are holding on for dear life in fear that they will be evacuated along with everything else that is exiting your body. Answering questions about outer space when you are in the middle of creating your own blackhole is not a stellar experience.

2. There is no such thing as “taking it easy”.

You could be on your deathbed and a kid would still ask you to get up and get them a juice box. Kids simply do not have a pause button… or even a “take it down a notch” dial.

3. You’re going to be a cranky asshole.

You love your family. They are probably the light of your life… blah blah blah. But once you’re sick, every one of your family’s little quirks turns into multiple obnoxious jackhammers wreaking havoc on your mental stability. You’re going to lose it a few times, at least.

4. You’re going to watch the house crumble around you.

Without you performing the constant rotation of picking up, cleaning, and organizing the whole place is going to go to shit. The laundry was bad before, but now that you’re down the piles have grown and you’re pretty sure that one of them has developed the ability to move independently.

5. Your “give a shit” is going out the window.

Kids want cookies covered in chocolate sauce with gummy bears and potato chips all mushed together, formed into a patty then served between two pop tarts for breakfast? Hell, as long as they make it themselves, you won’t give a shit.

Honestly, being a mom is hard. Being a mom when you’re sick is nearly impossible. Sip some tea and spike it with something strong, this will all be over soon and you can go back to your normal level of chaos.

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