Becoming a mom has been the best experience, twice over, BUT my kids have given me trust issues. Here’s a little dialogue of my conversations with my kids. *Bonus points if you can differentiate the age gap.
Never trust them when they say…
“I washed my hands.”
Yeah, right kid, try again. Then again. …and try using soap on the third attempt.
“I wiped my butt”
May I remind you that I do your laundry?
“I changed my socks.”
Literally, your entire room smells like feet. How is that even possible?
“I don’t have the dog’s toy!”
Really? Then why is he staring and whining like you have his toy? Super weird, I know. Now give him his toy back.
“You’re mean!”
I made you a salad for supper. You better call CPS on me before I can ruin your life any further. (Ok, maybe this one doesn’t justify as causing a trust issue, but we’ve all heard it.)
“I don’t need a nap.”
You just had a full blown meltdown because I wouldn’t let you eat dog food. Really? Really, dude?
“I did do all of my homework.”
So, pray tell, why are there no answers written? Yeah, sit your little tush back down.
“I didn’t hit my brother, he fell.”
I was a kid once too, ya know. Now, go apologize for hitting your brother.
“I didn’t feed the dog… <insert God-knows-what here>
I find that hard to believe since he’s still chewing on [God-knows-what]. Stop. Just stop.
Yeah, you know it’s true. These trust issues didn’t come out of nowhere. Kids find the line between truth or fibbery pretty grey. Albeit, it’s always entertaining to see their faces when I call them out on it.
Oh, wait, what? I’m not a dumb as I look? Neener neener neener!
Tired Not Dead 