Photo Credit: SketchPort
I love Christmas time. I love it for the family time, the colors, the giving nature, and best of all, the surprise my kids get when they see Santa has come. This is also why I want to cancel it.
A few years ago my Grandma had passed away just before Christmas. There was sort of an “emergency Christmas Celebration” for us to get together and enjoy some serious family time when we needed it most, and to do it before funeral plans were solidified. I never made it. You see, I was already committed to going to another Christmas. I knew attending this other Christmas was well overdue as we hadn’t been there is quite sometime for a holiday. We went and all was well. The next day we went to another one with nearly all the same family. The day was going fine until I was chasing around one of the kiddos and happened to walk to in to the kitchen. There stood two uncles who were gossiping about me. I overheard them say how I was inconsiderate and self-centered since we always went to my side of the family’s holidays. They went on to say that it was always about me and what a bitch I was and… that’s when they noticed me standing there, listening to them. They stared at me for a second before darting out like nothing had happened. I was hurt and I was angry. “Merry Fucking Christmas you assholes! You have no idea what I have missed in order to be here!” is what I wanted to say, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t say a thing about my Grandma’s recent passing, or that my Grandpa was heartbroken, or how the family was grieving the loss of a matriarch. It wasn’t supposed to be about me. It was supposed to be about enjoying Christmas with them, my other family, and I had no intention of being the center of pity.
Ever since that day, I have sort of dreaded Christmas. We always have to divvy out our time among our families (first world problems right?) and try to remember where we went to the year before, and who’s turn it is this year. We’ve even split up before to make everybody happy (fyi, that doesn’t make anyone happy). I hate this stress. It’s hard on both sides of the family. One side is usually disappointed or inconvenienced while the other is stressed by trying to feed so many people or get the right timeline down. God, I hate this.
Recently, I mentioned to my hubby that I am nearing canceling Christmas altogether. “We don’t go anywhere, we only buy gifts for each other and the kids, we make our own Christmas dinner and enjoy our little family and this precious time we have. Just us, ya know?” To my surprise, he agreed, enthusiastically!
I am not sure we will ever have the nerve to actually do it. To just make Christmas about happiness, about reconnecting with each other, about play, about enjoyment, and to remember that these days are numbered so we should soak them in as long as we can. I am not sure anyone other than us would understand.
One day, I will cancel Christmas….
Before you flame the crap out of this article….
- I love our families and do want to spend time with them
- I know I am lucky to call this a “problem” of sorts so don’t even go there
- You know I’m right
Merry Christmas to all and hopefully it is filled with peace and contented families.
Tired Not Dead 