I wish my life was as perfect as the mom in the comment section. 


I am sure that everyone has read her comments.   She clearly has all her ducks in a row.   Hell,  her ducks are marching in straight military fashion.  You can just picture her perfect little life.  You also kind of hope she chokes on her own bullshit.

Any news article about an unfortunate accident,  she could have prevented it. She has a play-by-play of what should have been done before the random boulder fell from the sky.  She could have prevented the victims from being at the wrong place at the wrong time.   If people were only as prepared and educated as her, the world would be a better place.   #knowbetterdobetter

Her children are perfectly behaved at all times.    They have never bickered, talked back, or picked a booger.   There is no need for a method of discipline in her home because her children only earn her highest praise.  She is still breastfeeding her 127-month old, but not in public.  #doingitright

She is the queen of the “humble brag”.   She is sure to point out how well little Bobby did on his… well everything.   She receives constant praise on her appearance, parenting, and general existence.   She also is sure to make every compliment into a Facebook status.  #blessed

Video games, tablets, and TV are not found in her home.  Her children enjoy nothing more than silent reading time and educational board games.  All of her children have had Ivy league prospects since Kindergarten standardized testing.  #goals

Comment Section Mom has never lost her temper.  Not once.  She is cool, calm, and collected at all times.  She does not drink or use any form of earthly means to handle life.  She is spiritually enlightened and uses the energy of the universe to power through her perfect life.  #centered

Compared to her,  my life is in shambles.  My ducks are screaming, running into walls, and currently throwing mash potatoes onto the floor.  The only comfort provided is knowing that she cannot be having half as much fun in life as I am.   #suckit

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