We the Women of the Tired Not Dead, in Order to form a more perfect Impact, establish street-cred, insure domestic Humor, provide for the common comedic relief of ladies everywhere, promote the general welfare of tired women, and secure the Blessings of zoning out to her in her household, and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for Tired Not Dead.
Tired Not Dead Bill of Rights
Right of Humor
TND shall make no law respecting an establishment of humor, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of humor, or of the wordpress; or the right of the people peaceably be funny, and to petition Tired Not Dead for a redress of grievances.
Right to Bear Sanity
A well-regulated female militia, being necessary to the security of a moment to chill-out, the right of the women to keep and bear sanity, shall not be infringed.
Right To A Time-Out
No woman shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of herself, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by a time-out.
Right To Seek After Hiding
The right of the mother to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable hide-and-seek games and seizures, shall not be violated, and no candy-based bribes shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the kids’ room to be searched, and the children’s persons or things to be seized until they cough it up.
Right To Ban Trolls
A woman shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of humorlessness to the owners of TND, except in cases arising in the Blog or literary submission, or in the media of socialization, when in actual service at time of posting for the public; nor shall any woman be subject for a mommy-shaming offense to be twice put in jeopardy of humorlessness or trolling, TND won’t give a second chance; nor shall be compelled to any appeal to be a witness against her unfunny self, but will be deprived of commenting, reading, or submitting, all without due process; nor shall voluntary literary submissions be taken for public use. You had one shot and blew it; Bye, Felicia.
Right To A Jury Of Stuffed Animals
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of stuffed animals in the room wherein the crime shall have been committed, which room shall have been previously ascertained by Mom, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the stuffed animals, dogs, or siblings against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor (Dad), and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
Right To Dinner Or No Snacks
In suits at dinner time, where the value in controversy shall exceed the plate of food in front of them, the right of trial by Mom shall be preserved, and no fact tried by Mom, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the home, than according to the rules of Mom law.
Right to Hugs and Kisses
Excessive hugs and kisses shall be required, and fines of “I Love You’s” imposed, and cruel and unusual punishments of cleaning up self-imposed messes inflicted.
The Right To Do What We Want
The enumeration in the Constitution of Tired Not Dead, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the Mom’s of TND.
The Right To Read And Enjoy