Every parent understands the beauty of bedtime. Every parent also understands the frustration of bedtime fails. The following is a short list of ways I have recently woken up my children.
- Try not to wake up the kids.
- Think about having sex.
- Be completely silent.
- Plan an at home date night.
- Plan some personal time.
- Run a bath.
- Open a bottle of wine.
- Turn on your favorite movie.
- Say, “The kids are finally asleep.”
- Hell, just think the kids are asleep.
- Put on lingerie.
- Think about putting on lingerie.
- Try to use the bathroom privately.
- Break into your DVR to finally watch the finale of anything.
- Tell someone what great sleepers your kids are.
- Try to relocate a sleeping child.
- Order a pizza.
- Open a bag of potato chips.
- Start to paint your nails.
- Sit down.
- Stand up.
- Take a deep breathe.
- Start working on that special little project you love so much.
- Fall asleep.
- Kiss your partner.
- Put on a charcoal mask (advantage, you’ll scare the crap out of them).
- Make a plan of any kind that involves the kids being asleep.
Yes, I am bitter as hell right now. All of the kids are awake and I completely give up. We are now a nocturnal family. Playdate at 1:00am? I’ll have wine.
Tired Not Dead 