If My Friends Wrote On My Tombstone

I am finally lying in bed, good wine buzz, sleeping family, and now I have a moment to think. Of course I am dark and twisty inside, so my head instantly goes to imagining my own death.   I start to wonder about my personal impact.   While trying to identify a personal definition, I decide to rely on the perceptions of others.

I imagine (and hope) my epitaph would end up with these simple truths, etched into granite, on my behalf:

  • She could out-drink you until you were 6-feet under. Strange how that worked out.
  • Thank God her kids turned out ok…well ok’ish.
  • Hey ladies, her husband is single now. 
  • She made an incredible impact… with her carbon footprint.
  • A wife, a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a sarcastic bitch.
  • She often laughed at her own jokes and look where she is now.
  • Not known for style or grace but for a wit that only appealed to a special few.
  • Loved the community, as long as they did not expect anything out of her. 
  • We only miss her because she had a truck and brought beer.  
  • She tried many things, finished very few, accomplished even less. 
  • Knock, knock. Who’s there? …
  • Funny, sometimes… well, we humored her. 
  • Finally, some decent sleep.
  • You know I can see you, right?
  • She couldn’t keep a clean house but certainly can now.
  • At least her dogs miss her.
  • I hope her nose does not itch. 
  • A terrible sense of style but impeccable taste in judgment.
  • You’re lucky I went first.
  • She smoked, she drank, she swore, she finally saw the ocean, she wins.
  • I wouldn’t live in my old house if I were you.
  • Everyone is surprised it wasn’t her liver.  
  • Karma: “You’re lucky I was busy.”
  • Wings or a broom? Well, that depended on the day.
  • Her death was tragic. We only laughed a little.
  • Walked on, mowed over, and only receives flowers on her birthday. You would think she was still alive.

Basically, I am hoping to leave some sort of mark on the world.   If that mark is nothing more than increasing laughter, at my own expense, so be it.

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