Divorce is painful. At times it is needed. The pain of losing that relationship is unimaginable. By no means am I minimizing the loss the actual participants of the marriage are experiencing. But there are other casualties to divorce. Friend relationships are severed in the process. Being that friend that is cut due to divorce its heartbreaking.
When friends are going through the destruction of a relationship you do everything you can to be supportive. You try to provide the compassion and empathy required while still respecting the space often craved by the soon-to-be divorcee.
The thing is, when you poison a plant the poison seeps through the body of the plant and spreads through the roots. Once the roots are dead the plant meets an irreversible demise. Round-up is a bitch like that.
Divorce can be a lot like Round-up. Once the stem of the relationship is poisoned the conditional relationships stemming from the marriage can also wither.
When you are one of the roots trying to remain vital, watching the plant wither feels like an impending doom. You see the end coming and you stretch out seeking any form of sustenance that would help to maintain your existence. To maintain your ability feed and nurture that relationship becomes a struggle.
Divorce serves as a way to allow the plant to be split, the halves to heal, and to hopefully thrive. Sometimes that split can inadvertently kill off some of the roots and branches.
Grieving this loss feels selfish. When the loss surrounding the situation is so substantial, focusing on your own personal impact is uncomfortable. Because of this staying silent feels like the only appropriate course of action. However, like all grief, expressing your feelings is important. I encourage you to talk about it, write about it, and let it go.