No.   I will not purchase the pooping unicorn ice cream maker. 

I was sitting cuddled on the couch with my 3-year old daughter.  It was a cool morning and we were wrapped together under a quilt.  I had an oversized mug full of hot coffee and copious amounts of cream.  It felt pretty picture perfect.

Then it happened.  A commercial came on for an ice cream maker.  Not just any ice cream maker, but an ice cream maker that was designed to look like a unicorn.  Oh, it gets worse.  This ice cream maker started out kind of cute.  Then I suddenly came to the realization that the unicorn was defecating out ice cream.  That’s right folks, the unicorn poops out ice cream and your kids (and unfortunately likely you) are supposed to eat it.

My mind was racing.  Mostly internal screaming of “What the actual fuck?”  I was dreading what was to come next.  My body tensed with anticipation.  Then I heard it.  My sweet little girl said, “Mommy, can I please have that?”

I am surprised I was able to contain my desire to scream, “You have got to be kidding me!?  There is no way you actually want that thing!  You are trying to kill me right!? “Eat shit” is an insult for a reason!” Luckily, I was able to keep my composure.   I looked into those big brown eyes and told her that the pooping unicorn monstrosity is not allowed in Wisconsin.  Yes, I lied to a three-year old.

Honestly,  who are these people who design this crap?  I feel like this is a giant social experiment to discover where a parent’s line is.  Well,  my line is this disgusting pooping unicorn.

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